I now know all of the words to the theme song of the Hills. Go me! :( Oh, and I fucking hate Spencer.

If you’ve been following this site, you know would know that I am a big fan of the Hills. It’s probably the only reality show on MTV that I’ve been able to stomach since the fourth season of the Real World and it makes my life oh so much better. I finally got around to watching Monday night’s Hills and here’s what I thought of it…

Spencer is quite possibly the biggest tool of all time. He makes Puck look like a class act. Fuck, he makes the guy Heidi dated last year seem like Steve McQueen even though he drove a Saturn. Seriously, what does Heidi see in this guy? He looks like a poor man’s Michael Rapaport. I even hate the way he talks. If there is anyone out there that thinks this guy is hot or appealing, please leave me a comment or shoot me an email explaining why.

I found this exchange to very entertaining. See, one of Heidi’s fabulous coworkers tried to warn Heidi about the office dresscode or whatever and Spencer took it out of context and threatened to beat up the guy. True, the guy was wearing orange shades and probably deserved to be manhandled…

Believe it or not, this was not Spencer’s most douchebag move on the night.

Yay! Audrina and Heidi make up. Sorta. Spencer tried to make a preemptive strike by warning Heidi that anything that Audrina says will be a lie, and I’m not really sure if Heidi bought all of that, but the dinner seemed to go well. Hopefully we’ll get to see these two together more later in the season because the two of them seem like they could be trouble… the good kind of trouble…

Here’s my main man checking out his myspace page. Awesome!

Oh, Spencer might be King Tool, but his boy Brody isn’t too far behind. Can you believe some of the shit he was laying down on Lauren last week? “You have the most beautiful eyes.” “There’s no place that I would rather be right now than here with you.” The thing is is that it actually worked and he and Lauren actually made out. What the fuck is up with that?! Serious, it seems like the only thing it takes to get into the pants of these girls is to be a total douche and say the cheesiest shit ever. I really don’t get it. I don’t get it at all…

Here’s the highlight of the episode where Spencer tries to pick up on a playmate… or wannabe playmate or whatever. I don’t know if I could actually describe the scene without me punching my monitor, so you’ll have to watch MTV to see it. Don’t worry, MTV will probably replay this episode a minimum of 35 times between the time you read this and next Monday.

But yeah, the playmates were hot. I think the only reason they were messing with Spencer and Co. was the fact that they knew they were going to be on tv and no attention whore could pass up an opportunity like that. Especially blonde busty attention whores with conversational skills slightly above the second grade level.

At any rate, all of this makes Heidi really sad and from the previews next week it looks like things between her and Spencer are over. I certainly hope so, because I really don’t think I could take any more of the guy.