This episode gets me so excited. Gets me so excited. So… so… scared…

Saved by the Bell: Jesse’s Song

Saved by the Bell. I mean, shit, where do I even begin? I don’t think that I can say anything more about SBTB that already hasn’t been said, so I’m just going to skip over praising this series of series and say that Saved by the Bell is probably one of my favorite TV series ever. It’s sad when one of your fondest memories is of Zach selling Lisa’s clothes out of lockers… but then again… I lead a sad life.

I started watching SBTB when it aired on NBC back in the day. At first, I was kind of upset that my normal Saturday morning routine of watching cartoons was interrupted, but as time went on, Zach Morris and Co. grew on me… like a tumor… a big happy tumor.

I seriously think I’ve watched every episode of Saved by the Bell. And it’s not like I seen each episode once. If I see Saved by the Bell on TV, it takes precedence over everything. There’s something irresistible about seeing Screech doing the “Sprain” for the hundredth time. One episode that stands heads and shoulders above the others is the one I plan on doing a synopsis of today: Jesse’s Song.

I don’t think it’s necessary to get into any back story since I’m sure 95% of the free world has seen Saved by the Bell at one point or another. I bet some of you guys can’t even remember any of your teachers you had last year, but you’d be able to tell me the name of AC Slater’s pet lizard. At any rate, on to the review…

Jesse’s been busting her butt recently. You see, Jesse’s main goal in life is to go to Stanford. She has no career goals or anything, just to get into Stanford at all costs. (Reminds me of some people I know…) She’s been cramming alot and has gotten really stressed out. Kelly and Lisa thought it’d be a good idea for her to loosen up, so they all start singing along to the jukebox.

Zach hears how well the trio can sing and gets an idea. His uncle or aunt or cousin or something knows a record label exec and wants the girls to audition. Jesse and the others aren’t so big on the idea, and say that they just like to sing for fun.

Zach Morris is no quitter, so he sends Screech out in drag to spy on the girls. Posing as Sinead O’Connor, cleaning lady extraordinaire, Screech infiltrates the girls locker room and manages to record the girls singing. Personally, I would have done a little more recording… if you catch my drift…

It is things that this that make Zach Morris my hero. Think about it. Most guys would have quit at the beginning, but not Zach. No, he’s relentless in pursuit of want he wants, and is clever enough to get it. The world needs more Zach Morrises. I seriously think I love Zach. (not gay)

The recording is presented to the exec, and he wants to see the girls sing! When Zach tells Jesse, Lisa, and Kelly the good news, they’re kind of upset that they’ve been spied upon, but all feelings of anger are quickly washed away by their excitement. Zach also christens the trio Hot Sundae. Personally, I think it’s a pretty dumb name, but they seem to like it.

Jesse, feeling swamped from school and from being in Hot Sundae, starts taking caffeine pills in order to keep up. AC discovers them, and warns Jesse that they’re dangerous and that she shouldn’t be taking them. Jesse ignores Slater’s advice and goes right along taking the caffeine pills. I mean, can you blame her? I wouldn’t trust a guy with a greasy mullet either.

OH YEAH! It’s Hot Sundae’s official video. True, it looks more like a workout video than something you’d see on MTV, but I liked it. It’s better than any of the kpop videos I’ve seen lately. The song seems like it was made for a show, but I’m pretty sure it would have been a big hit had it been released as a single. Put your mind to it. Go for it. Get down and break a sweat. Lyrics like that are gold my friends.

After the video is recorded, Jesse aces her math test. Things seem to can’t get any better. Then, this happens:

!!!

I’m not an expert on drugs or anything, but can caffeine pills really do that shit to you?! I’ve seen people on acid and on coke and they aren’t half as crazy as this. I am not advocating drug use or anything, but damn, next time a junkie wants to shoot up, they should just stop by their local Walgreens and pick up a bottle of No-Doze.

Elizabeth Berkley gives an Oscar-worthy performance when she goes batshit. It’s probably the most unintentionally funny scene ever in the history of television. The pressures of trying to get into Stanford and being in Hot Sundae are just too much for Jesse to handle without caffeine pills and she snaps when Zach tries to take them away from her.

To wrap things up, Screech replaces Jesse at the audition, which fails to impress the record execs. Jesse gets into rehab and undergoes counseling for her addiction. In typical Bayside fashion, nobody remembers anything that happens by the next episode. The end.

Jesse’s Song is a great great episode. It’s not as funny as the majority of the other SBTB eps, but it tackled the difficult topic of drug abuse in a way that only Saved by the Bell could. Definite thumbs up for me. I’d recommend it, but I’m sure everybody has already seen it.

Score: 9.0