Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you…

Salute Your Shorts: Michael Comes to Camp

The Nickelodeon of yesteryear had a variety of shows I loved and one of my favorites has got to be Salute Your Shorts. Like everything else in my life, i.e. Yan Yan, I can’t explain why I like it so much… I just do.

Salute Your Shorts revolves around a group of archetypical campers in the magical land of Camp Anawanna. This place is just so kickin’ rad it makes me want to crap my pants. Seriously, it does. I want to take a slam right now just thinking about how unbelievably cool Zeek the Plumber is.

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to do a synopsis of the first ever episode of SYS. I haven’t written anything in a long time, so I’m kinda rusty. I hope you guys won’t mind though… I promise to use a lot of vague references to furry sex and LARPers.

Before I start to review the episode, I’m going to do a quick rundown on the regulars for those of you unfortunate to have missed this series, and also to refreshen some of you guys memories. I think it has been 7 or 8 years since this last aired, so it’s a good thing.

Starting at the top row, from left to right:

Ugh - His real name is something else (I forgot, and I’m too lazy to go look it up), but the campers affectionately know him as Ugh. His last name is Lee. Ugh. Lee. Ugh Lee. Ugly. I’m sure you made the connection. He was the head councellor and as such, could usually be seen ruining everybody’s fun. His only redeeming factor is the fact that he knows what color a giraffe’s tongue is.

Michael - The preppy pretty boy. While not as smooth as other characters of this type,ie Zach Morris, Michael is the all around nice guy whom gets along well with everybody. The first episode revolved around him.

Sponge - The nerd of the group. Probably a LARPer. He’s called Sponge because his brain can soak up info and spew it out. Yeah.

Ziff - Hippy chick. Has hairy armpits. LAME character.

Now for the bottom row, left to right:

Budnik - Redheaded bully with a mullet that just won’t quit. I’m serious when I saw this, so don’t laugh, but Bobby Budnik still scares me to this very day. His main purpose in life was messing with the other campers.

Donkeylips - Donkeylips was Budnik’s best friend. Alot has been written concerning his and Budnik relationship and the sexual tension that exists between them, but I think that it’s all rubish. Everybody knows that he is in love with Dina.

Telly - Athletic token black girl. She actually seemed pretty cool on the show, but her real name is Venus de Milo. What kind of parents name their fucking kid Venus de Milo?! Don’t worry though, she has both of her arms… but what cruel twist of fate would it be if she didn’t?

Dina - Dina was the stuckup snooty rich girl. I should make an entry for her hair too, because it literally was as big as she was. I think it even got it’s own line in the credits. Also, she doesn’t look too hot in this picture, but she was a real cutie on the show. She was also on Boy Meets World once.

Now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, lets move on to the first episode shall we…

It’s Michael’s first day at camp, and immediately the goonsquad, Budnik and Donkeylips, fuck with him by taking his shorts and putting them on the flagpole… giving the series its name.

This is kind of related… but not really. I remember once during a smokeout session philosophical debate, I sung the theme song to this show. But instead of saying Camp Anawanna, I said Damp Marijuana. ROFLMAOOMG SO FUNNY ITS REtarted. I can’t remember all of the lyrics to my alternative version or else I’d post it.

All of the campers get together for a good ol’ game of softball. It’s Michael’s turn to go to bat, and he sends one flying. He tries to make it home, but is trapped by Budnik and Donkeylips. That is his breaking point, and Michael just can’t take it anymore…

FIGHT! Budnik and Michael come to blows and the rest of the campers crowd around. It’s at this point that Michael gains the respect of the other campers. I mean, he’s taking on Budnik, quite possibly the scariest redheaded kid with a mullet that has ever lived. He gets punished, but it was a small price to pay.

Afterwards, Michael and Sponge go for a walk, but then are attacked by Budnik and Donkeylips.

As much as the above scene resembles the one from Deliverance, just remember, that this was a show targeted towards 10 year olds. Budnik tells Michael and Sponge that if they join their “Secret Society”, that they’ll leave them alone for the rest of the summer. All they have to do is raid the girls bunk and take a few items…

Somehow, the girls find out about the upcoming raid and set up traps all around their room before they go to bed. Michael and Sponge do manage to get inside though, but Ugh hears a noise and comes into the bunk also, which was a big mistake…

He gets hit by what seems like a million eggs and then feathered and hit in the chest with a big punching bag. Michael and Sponge gets away. All seems well, until Michael discovers that he broke the glasses he took from Telly.

The next day, the girls are raging and demand to know who broke into their bunks. Budnik, being the intelligent chap that he is, frames some random goober. The girls demand blood, and there is only one way to satisfy their hunger: the Awful Waffle!!! And no, I’m not talking about Waffle House.

That’s when Michael breaks and admits that he was the one who went into the girls bunk and stole all of that junk. It was a noble, but wussy, thing to do. The girls all hate him for it, Budnik and Donkeylips can’t believe what a goonfuck he is, and Sponge… well… he was thinking of how he could level up his Elven Archer.

A couple of days go by. Michael hasn’t left his room in days. Telly comes by to tell him she got contacts now and that she forgives him. She also
challenges him to a game of basketball. This was all a ruse though.

Dina and Ziff come out of hiding and rolls the boys bunk. That’s pretty bad, but if it were me, I’d do something more drastic, like put dead rats in their pillow cases or urinate in their closets. But that’s just me though. The girls seem to have enough fun just rolling the room.

A definite classic. I highly recommend this one for those wanting to take a trip down memory lane, and even those that don’t. Salute Your Shorts was a great series and it all started here. The characters were lovable, and the stories were simple, yet well written. I had alot of fun watching this one again. Thumbs up.

Score: 8.0

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