When did Rome become softcore gay porn?

First off, let me say that I fucking LOVE Rome. HBO does it right once again and I am so glad that it’s back on the air after so long. I mean, I remember watching the last episode in season one and seeing “Season 2, coming in 2007…” and thinking it was so far away. Now that Rome is back on my life is complete.

But has anyone noticed how gay last week’s episode was?

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Let’s start off with the most obvious one: Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo love each other. I know it’s suppposed to not be that kind of love, but come on! You could cut the sexual tension with a knife during their fight scene. I half expected Titus to brush back Lucius’s golden curls, look longingly into his eyes, and kiss him like he’s never been kissed before.

…

Okay that was a really really gay paragraph. Also it was the second time I put the word love in italics. I promise I won’t do it anymore.

Next up, we have this guy. I can’t remember his name or whatever, but totally gay. Even if he wasn’t getting pounded in the anus withing 2 minutes of his first appearance, he still looks like a total douche. I half expected him to pull out a “fabulous” or “Hey guys do you want to listen to ABBA gold?”

And don’t even get me started on this. Apparently someone’s 12 year old nephew sucked a dude’s cock for a little bit of money. All of a sudden a bunch of NAMBLA members are all about Rome. I don’t want to get into too much of the story, but all of the pedophile fellatio leads to this:

Oh yeah! Buttrape! I guess back in the olden Rome days revenge would be dealt out with a swift cock up the ass. AWESOME. It kind of reminds me of OZ or American History X. You know, the daily anal rapings and all.

Speaking of anal sex, have you guys heard about the new Paris Hilton video stuff? It’s absolutely fucking insane. One of my favorite quotes from Paris is: “I got fucked in the butt for coke.” There a million websites out there that do the whole celeb thing better I could possibly ever dream of doing, and could probably give you more eloquent and detailed insight into the matter, but damn. Why is she always in the news again?

Alright, I didn’t mean to digress. Back to my favorite homoerotic show about the Roman Empire. There’s always been a ton of nudity on Rome, but s2e3 had a whole fucking lot of man ass and cock. First Marc Antony shows us his bits and pieces and then Brutus goes and gets naked and floats down some river. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it was balanced with a little bit of hot hot boobshots… but they were pretty rare in this episode.

Last but not least, Rome also flirted a little bit with beastiality. This dude wanted to see a baboon fuck a woman. I don’t think that I could add anything more to that last sentence.

All kidding aside, I gotta admit that admire the show for trying to put a more accurate portrayal of Roman life on air than the typical “Hollyrome” fair. Also, I can’t wait till next week when Octavian’s mom is/isn’t poisoned.