My first hentai review… and probably my last.

Nikutai Teni: Episode 1 My first hentai review ever… and probably my last.

Hentai has always been one of those things that I should enjoy, but I really don’t. I mean, I love cartoons and animation and I love porn (which is really an understatement); but when you combine the two it just doesn’t work for me. It is not that animated things can’t get my blood boiling (Hello Jessica Rabbit); I just find hentai disgusting and not very entertaining. If I wanted to watch people going at it, I’d just watch a porn movie. And don’t even get me started on tentacle rape. I never want to see that ever.

But to each his own. I can’t fault those that do like hentai stuff, it is just not for me. I never really got into it, and I don’t think I ever will.

Nikutai Teni was recommended to me by a friend who shall remain anonymous. “Watch this,” he said, “it’s pretty hot.” So against my better judgment, I decided to give it a shot. If anything, it’d make for an interesting article.

Now bare in mind the last thing I watched in this category was Bible Black. No lie, I nearly vomitted watching it and I couldn’t eat salmon for a month. This was supposedly tamer, so I thought, “What the hell, why not?”

Nikutai Teni means “body transfer.” At least what I think it does. The title is basically what happens in the show. A quick “plot” summary (and I do use that term loosely); a magical artifact gets sent to a high school. All the kids in the Archaeology Club has their minds transfered into a different bodies. A magical field surrounds the school so they can’t escape. Then they have lots of sex.

And that’s it. Seriously. Nothing else. No magic demons. No bizarre aliens. Nothing. Just a stupid artifact and a bunch of nerds who like to fuck. Oh yeah, I should mention, like most anime/hentai/japanimu, there’s only one guy and a million girls; the standard ratio.

Alright I guess I should say something about what goes on in episode 1. The guy (who’s name I forget) wakes up in the body of a girl. So he does what every guy would do in that situation; take a huge piss and then masturbate. I know that’s what I would do. He feels kind of guilty at first for urinating, but withing five minutes he’s fondling his breasts and trying to take a peak at his “I secret spot.”

This was probably a sign that I should have deleted this movie off of my hard drive and watch something that I really enjoy, like Samurai Champloo… but like a trooper, I decided to continue watching.

Then we get to see some lesbian sex. Then some more lesbian sex. A little bit more lesbian sex. Did I mention that there was a whole lot of lesbian sex in this movie? It just seems everybody is really fucking horny. The movie doesn’t explain if it was because of the artifact… or just because everybody is really freaky.

I know that I shouldn’t be the one talking… but isn’t this kind of like pedophilic? I mean, it’s just an animation, but they represent probably middle school or junior high kids at the oldest? I mean, if I’m going to be oogling at underage girls, I’d rather be looking at Maria Sharapova or young Lindsey Lohan or something. *sigh* *gasp* *shock* *fap*

By the way, I was eating a chicken sandwich while watching this. Bad idea. I looked down at it and saw mayonnaise oozing out and I had to throw my sandwich away.

Watching Nikutai Teni felt like a chore and watching was a horrible experience. However I knew from the beginning that this kind of thing wasn’t my bag (where’s oukami when you need him?). I absolutely hated it and I probably won’t be watching the second episode.

Grade: F-

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