Only a song this stupid could hope to become the next big thing.

I’ve seen a lot of stupid music videos and listened to some very asinine songs over the years, but nothing could prepare me for the monstrosity of “Lip Gloss.” I was sitting down, getting ready to watch some of my favorite channel (MTV Jams), this song came on. At first I thought that Pharrell had rounded up his two lovers and decided to reshoot a video for Grindin’, but I should have known something was terribly wrong when there was a Ford Taurus on the tv…

For those of you that aren’t privy to being hip and up to date with the beats of today’s urban youth, Lip Gloss is the shit. See, being the shit is slang for being really awesome. However I tend to think the older meaning of the word is a more accurate description of Lil Mama and her song. From wikipedia:

Lil’ Mama (born Niatia Kirkland in Brooklyn, New York) is an American rapper currently signed to Jive Records. Lil’ Mama was raised in a large family, which faced many financial difficulties. She attended the Edward R. Murrow High School in Brooklyn. In 2006 Lil’ Mama partnered with Ali Samii, who once managed DMX, and recorded several songs with producer James “Groove’ Chambers.[citation needed] One of the songs they recored was Lil’ Mama’s first single, “Lip Gloss.” Lil’ Mama has also been taking acting classes and wants to act in movies as well as sing and rap.

I don’t want to dwell too much on the song since this is a music video review, but it is really stupid, and I am not using “stupid” in the same manner that the Fresh Prince used “stupid”. There’s about 10 words that are repeated over a beat that could only be described as generic. I am surprised that something like this could pass as “music” these days, but it’s not that much of a stretch if Fergie reciting the alphabet can produce hit singles left and right.

In the video, Lil Mama gets dropped off at her school in a fat phat Taurus when she pines to her mother(?) that she wishes she could be one of the cool kids. “Don’t worry my dear,” says Lil Mama’s Mother, “take this lip gloss.” (Who would be Lil’ Grandmama? Or just Regular Mama? Or maybe it could be Martin Lawrence in a fat suit?) Of course when Lil Mama puts on her lip gloss she immediately undergoes a metamorphosis and becomes the pinnacle of coolness.

Lil Mama decides that she’s going to need a posse if she’s going to continue walking around looking like someone out of an Old Navy commercial and “fairy godmothers” 3 members of the nerd herd into hotties. Then they start to dance around in the hallways and so does everyone else. Typical fair for a music video.

As stupid as this song is, it’s not as bad as that Chicken Noodle Soup song. I still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes and think about how people thought that that was something worth listening too. DJ Webstar pulled a fast one on everyone with that song.

I did like the flip book in the video. It reminded me of when I created a little flip book in the corner of my AP History book that featured a stick figure killing a fat guy, you know, like those Xiao Xiao flash movies. Mr. Foster I loved your class, but honestly, there was nothing you could teach me about history. Years later people would tell me that they used my book in that same class and noticed the little flip book and got a kick out of it. It’s probably been about a decade since I’ve used the book, so it is most likely no longer in circulation, because people would probably think that I would pull a Cho Seung-Hui based on it.

Oh yeah, the forks and knives start dancing on their own. Stupid.

Lil Mama’s lip gloss is so fab that it attracts the attention of her principal who really wants to know where she could pick up some. Coincidentally, the principal looks like this lady I used to work with who smelled like pickles every day. Not really relevant, just thought I’d share that. Then some people double dutch and start jumping really high and xbox 360. The end.

If I could sum up this song and video in one word… it would be… “stup”… “not good”. Okay that’s two words, but that is what I’m going with.

Score: 2.5

Related Posts:
Leah Dizon: Koi Shiyou
Ron Artest: Fever