On a scale of 1 to 10 for things that are hard to watch, 1 being Bloodsport on a Sunday afternoon and 10 being Britney’s Gimme Gimme performance, Jump is a solid 8 and a half.

I’ve finally found LA Boyz’ Jump music video. I remember someone telling me about this way back in the day… but even after I repeatedly watched the atrocity that is Go Posse, I didn’t believe him. Now I know that everything he said about the LA Boyz were true… and so much more.

By the way, I have been doing mini-write-ups of Asian music videos for so long it’s not even funny. I’ve tinkered with the format many times, and I thought I’d try something new (for me at least). Here goes:

0:00 - We’re getting some serious static trying to tune into the LA Boyz.

0:10 - I really wish I had a good copy of this so I could take decent screencaps, but all I’ve got is a shitty version on youtube. I wonder what the demand is for a high-def dvd release of LA Boyz’ music videos. A cursory google search leads me to believe that one isn’t coming at any time in the near future.

By the way, do not google LA Boyz. Trust me on this one.

0:20 - Everyone out there ready?

0:27 - I just looked up L.A. Boyz on wikipedia, and they’ve got a pretty interesting entry:

L.A. Boyz was a Taiwanese pop/rap group comprised of brothers Jeff Huang and Stanley Huang, and their cousin Steven Lin… They brought American Hip-hop culture back to Taiwan… and was a major phenomenon for several years. Eventually the band split; Jeff Huang returned to America and started an internet company that later merged with a Japanese software company in a 60 million dollar deal before once again returning to Taiwan and fronting hip-hop group Machi; brother Stanley went on to establish a successful solo career, winning Best Mandarin Male Singer in the 2005 Golden Melody Awards (the Chinese music world’s Grammys); Lin returned to California becoming an orthopedic surgeon.

Holy shit. Laugh at the LA Boyz all you want, but they’re more successful than 99% of all rappers out there. I can’t believe Lin became a MD. I always thought he was the retarded one.

1:06 - You better call him Superman.

1:08 - I thought I’d transcribe the lyrics just in case some of you guys can’t keep up with the karaoke-style subtitles in the video:

SUPER GOOD LUCKS, SUPER LIKE A MAN
SUPER COOL, SUPER FIT, SUPER FAST, SUPER SLICK
SUPER IN TENNIS BALL, SUPER IN BASKETBALL
SUPER IN MANAGEMENT, SUPER INTELLIGENT

Only an Asian AZN person would brag about being good at tennis. And management. Seriously, what’s up with that? It’s like nerdrap gone wrong.

1:38 - I know I’ve just been quoting lyrics, but they really are pretty funny. You really just have to watch this video. Do it. Scroll up and press play. Do it now.

By the way, there’s only one true rap song from the 90s titled Jump in my book, and it involves the Daddy Mack and Mack Daddy.

2:02 - The production values for this video is a lot lower than Go Posse, which isn’t saying much considering that the LA Boyz had their mother film that video. Also, Go Posse had way better dancing. Maybe not as good as this guy, but definitely heads and shoulders over what is going on in Jump.

2:19 - Why does this LA Boy have a child molester smile on his face for most of the video.

2:21 - This song has more “wiggidy wacks” than the entire Totally Krossed Out album. Not trying to accuse the LA Boyz of copping Kriss Kross and all, but it’s fairly obvious that they are.

2:31 - Great. Now the LA Boyz are biting Schoolhouse Rock.

2:57 - This is getting really hard to watch. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being Bloodsport on a Sunday afternoon and 10 being Britney’s Gimme Gimme performance, Jump is a solid 8 and a half.

3:08 - I couldn’t get a decent screencap of these guys, but I am glad they were able to hit up the clearance rack at Dillard’s.

3:20 - Stanley is tossing a plate around.

3:30 - GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

4:09 - I was going to make a comment about the pigeon, but I’m just glad this is over.

Verdict: Wow. That was really really horrible, even by early 90s Taiwanese hip hop standards. It doesn’t even have the “OH-MY-GOD-NO WHY-THE-HELL AM-I-WATCHING-THIS-SHIT” charm that Go Possee has. I don’t know if they’re anymore LA Boyz music videos out there (youtube tells me “no” and google just gives me gay porn), but if they’re anything like this, no thanks.

Score: 2.0

Related Posts:

→ LA Boyz: Go Posse
→ Jang Nara: Kung Fu
→ Got Rice
→ Ron Artest: Fever