Ivy’s secret is: A) she’s really a man B) she has a black boyfriend C) she’s a whore D) all of the above.

I originally wrote this review a little over a year ago for my old site and decided to post it again after I saw that asian junkie had his own review up. At the time, I intended it to be nothing but flamebait, and boy did it work. Only my articles about Chuckie Akens and how much I hated Dragon Ball Z received more angry comments and emails.

By the way, asian junkie, unlike 99% of sites about Asian pop culture out there, is actually pretty good. I like what that guy is doing so check it out.

Ivy - Tonight’s Secret This video is a fine example of why I hate women and have decided to be celibate for the rest of my days.

Some of you guys might have noticed the flood of articles on konton in the past month in a half. I’ve had a lot of free time as of late… since I’ve decided to drop out of law school. Yup, it just wasn’t for me: the long hours, the brown nosing, and just the general groveling that I’ll have to do.

…

Just kidding. It probably takes me 30 minutes to whip up one of these articles and I’ve just been in a mood to write as of late.

Today’s video review is of Ivy’s Tonight’s Secret. I really don’t know too much about Ivy and I’ve only seen this and the A Ha video. I wish it was Ah Ha’s Take On Me instead, but I’ll take what I can get. On to the review…

Synopsis:

The video opens up with Ivy jogging around town. It’s good to see that she is working out and in shape and all, because that’s how I like my broads. After her jog, she returns home… to her BLACK BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND!!!

Okay when I sat down to write this review, I told myself that I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of this, but this is just insane for a Kpop music video. Previously, if there was a black guy, he would usually be just a backup dancer or part of someone’s possee or playing basketball or robbing a bank. I’m really glad to see that they don’t set this dude up as some stereotype. In fact, they don’t play up his race at all. Kpop is really taking a big step forward. Go Kpop! Give yourself a hand!

You know, it might not seem like a big deal on this side of the sea, but I wonder if this stirred up any controversy in Korea. I mean, it had to have caused some right? We all know that Asian people are the most racist people in the world. I bet there were groups who were prepared to march or play Starcraft or whatever.

Well Ivy and her boo are headed to a big party later that night, but all throughout the day, she keeps on getting the same message: Tonight you will have a mystical encounter. What could this mean?! I mean, one time, yeah whatever. Twice kinda freaky. But three times?! Man you can tell that something is up.

I know I say this about every single girl in every single review that I have ever done, but Ivy’s a dead ringer for a girl I dated. It’s uncanny. Check the exgirlfriend thread in hell. They could be twins.

Ivy and her boyfriend arrive at the party and it’s one of those fancy shmancy deals. I really don’t know who this tool is and what purpose he serves in this video, but I can assume that he’s some famous Krapper or something. He keeps on making the “be quiet” sign and trying to look all suave in his white hat and suit, but little does he know he looks like a total moron. He’s probably only 5′2″ as well. What an ass.

Uh oh. Ivy and this guy lock eyes. Please don’t tell me she’s going to cheat with his guy. I mean look at him?! Seriously, are there any girls out there that are attracted to guys like this? I see guys like this around from time to time and they are all the fucking same. Long hair, never smiles, face looks like it got hit with a shovel. If you are a girl, or gay, and attracted to people like this, let me know why.

Well, the skank does end up with Mr. Shovelface. I guess that’s what “tonight’s secret” is… that Ivy likes to go down on strangers she meets at parties.

Afterwards she leaves as if nothing happens. That plan is faulty, because her boyfriend will smell the semen on her breath and procede to beat her. The end.

Music:

Eh. Ivy’s vocals aren’t too bad, but I’m not really into this style of music at all.

Visuals: An okay looking video. The “plot” really saves it, but it seems as if the director went out of his way to make this video as generic as possible.

Fiyah: Ivy’s a looker no doubt, but this video lacks the fiyah that I am looking for.

Overall: Tonight’s secret was a decent effort by Ivy and co. but there seemed to be something missing. It’s slightly above average, but it could have been way better if they had someone else in charge. Take me for example. Instead of just one guy, I would have let “tonight’s secret” be Ivy getting gang banged by a guy in a rabbit costume. Now that is a good secret people!

Score: 3.3

Screenshots:

P.S. I’d like to thank Joan Hur for recommending this video and hooking me up with a copy! Great suggestion. If you have a video that you’d like for me to check out, send me an email at kontona@gmail.com.