Even though I haven’t really followed wrestling for several years, Billy Gunn’s Mr. Ass song popped into my head and it’s been there all day and nothing will make it go away.

At times, things just pop into my head and no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about them. Sometimes it is something pleasant… but most of the time it’s something horrid, like lotus boob or metis.avi. During my lunch break today, I was standing behind these two guys who were talking about their favorite parts of the female anatomy. And that’s when it happened. One of the guys said he was an “ass man.” Even though I haven’t really followed wrestling for several years, Billy Gunn’s Mr. Ass song popped into my head and it’s been there all day and nothing will make it go away.

What is this “Mr. Ass song” you might ask? Well for the uninitiated:

It’s just fucking horrible. I also find the fact that Billy Gunn wears a black thong extremely disturbing.

The best (worst) thing about the song are its lyrics:

I’m an ass man
Yeah I’m an ass man…

Yeahhhhhhh

I love to love ‘em, I love to kick ‘em
I love to shove ‘em, I love to stick ‘em
Love to flaunt ‘em, I love to watch ‘em
I love to pick ‘em, And I’m gonna kick ‘em

Cause I’m an assman, Yeaahhhh, I’m an assman
Yes, I’m an assman, Ohh oh oh
I’m an assman

So many asses, So little time
A little tight one, Can stop me on the dime
I’m a lover, Of every kind
The best surprises always sneak up from behind

I’m an assman, Yeahhh, I’m an assman
Yes, I’m an assman, Ohh oh oh
I’m an assman

Buns of glory, Buns of steel
Your eyes will give away the truth of how I feel
You walk behind me, I feel the heat
That’s why the girls don’t walk behind me down the street

I’m an assman, Yeahhhh, I’m an assman
Yes, I’m an assman, Ohh oh oh

I love to love ‘em, I love to kick ‘em
I love to shove ‘em, I love to stick ‘em
(*ECHO* I *ECHO*) Love to flaunt ‘em, I love to watch ‘em
I love to pick ‘em, And I’m gonna kick ‘em

I’m an assman, Yeaahh, I’m an assman
Yes, I’m an assman, Ohh oh oh
Cause I’m an assman
Yeahhhh, I’m an ass man
Yes, I’m an assman, Yeahhh
I’m a ass man, Ohh Oh Oh
I’m an ass man
Yes, I’m an assman
Cause I’m an assman
Yeahhhh, I’m an ass man

I don’t think that whoever wrote this song thought it through very well considering that Billy Gunn was around man ass all day. By the way, how was this gimmick ever approved? Considering that the majority of wrestling fans are extremely homophobic, you’d think that one “fabulous” wrestler would be enough (hello Golddust!). But then again, there’s always been homoerotic undertones… especially in the WWF/WWE. Maybe some fans couldn’t get enough of an oiled up man with a pony tail and tight fluorescent green hot pants covered with lips.

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