Hyori’s 10 Minutes was the last article I wrote before I shut down my old website, konton, and in many ways it was a fitting end. Though konton started out as a mish-mash pop culture site, for better or worse, it ended being known for Asian pop. Even though there were signs of it before, 10 Minutes was the final death knell for the golden age of Korean girl groups. SES had split. Baby VOX were pretty much over. Hyori’s star power couldn’t be contained in Fin.K.L. anymore. And there just weren’t any groups around with the charm, wit, and fiyah to replace the old stalwarts. Truly a sad time period… for me at least.

At any rate, I was browsing asianjunkie.com when I came across this picture:

Jesus fucking Christ! How can any woman look so good?! She makes me just want to pummel my penis to submission. I immediately found my old Hyori video collection and partied like it was 2003 all over again.

Another fun fact, the guy who’s playing basketball in this video actually become a member of the forums. I think that’s the biggest celebrity pull that I can lay claim to.

Hyori Hyori Hyori. Where do I even begin? I guess I should start off by saying that, to me, she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. An immediate infatuation arose when I first saw her in Finkl’s Now video, and it continues to this very day. Ask any fan of Korean pop music who they think is the best looking artist, and most often the answer will be Hyori. (Even though the dreamy Kang Ta finishes a close second.)

When word got out that Hyori was going to put out a solo effort, there was much speculation as to whether or not Hyori could succeed without her FinKL-mates. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Hyori’s hot and all, but it was obvious that the primary reason she was in FinKL wasn\t because of her talent”… (Hello FinklFattie). But then again, when your demographic consists primarily of lonely nerds with high speed connections and a lot of free time, you can’t go wrong no matter what you do.

I suppose I have babbled on long enough. Today’s article is a review of Hyori’s debut single, 10 Minutes. It’s been out for a while now, but I think it deserves to be reviewed by me, because you know, I am the premiere authority on Apop music.

God look at her. Seriously, look at her. I realize this cap is kind of shitty, but she is just physically perfect. She could have a shitty personality, but because I am male and don’t really care about personality, that is irrelevant. She could walk through a graveyard and make the corpses rise. She’s the kind of girl I would gnaw off my own arm to be with. She could… well… you get the point. If I were to make a woman in like in Weird Science, Hyori would be what she would look like. I am just a big loser like that.

The video itself is kind of different from the usual kpop madness and more like the ones you’d see on American MTV. In fact, I would cry outright plagiarism if it weren’t for the fact that I prefer Hyori in tight pink shorts over Christina Aguilera any day. The video has an “urban” feel to it… with the souped up rides and the people dressed in gangsta’ wear and playing basketball. There is, of course, the requisite “breakdown” scene where everybody dances. They’re also in a club at the end. There’s no real storyline to follow.

Quick aside, but are there “hoods” in Korea? No seriously. I don’t know. I realize that there might be slummy districts, but when I say hood, I mean like the ones you usually see depicted in rap videos. Inquirering minds want to know.

Another question; FookYu brought up the point about this little girl ruining his fantasy process. Who is she exactly? Is she a niece or something? I jokingly said that she was in the Missy Elliot video, but I am sure that’s not the case, because I didn’t see this girl dance.

It’s also nice to see that the trucker hat trend isn’t limited to this side of the ocean. Personally, I thought they were pretty cool when Pharrel started wearing them, but it’s become such a massive trend it makes me want to vomit on every single person I see with one on. And why is the little girl wearing that particular hat?! Doesn’t she realize what the woman symbolizes?!

And then there’s this scene. There probably aren’t a lot of black people in Korea, so we don’t usually see them in Korean videos. In fact, I don’t remember any other time I’ve seen a black person in kpop video. But what happens when they decide to put a black man in a video?

They have him playing fucking basketball.

Great. It’s good to see that stereotypes of African Americans, like trucker hats, has crossed the pond. It’s not as bad as that one group who performs in “blackface”… but still, it makes me sad.

As I said earlier, this video is really different from your usual kpop fluff. The thing that I noticed right away was the provocative dancing. I mean, Hyori still can’t dance worth a shit, and the choreography makes it look like she’s stumbling, but it’s a lot more “risqué” than anything I’ve seen in a long while. There’s some hardcore “booty dancin’” going on… and then there’s this:

Yes my friends, Hyori is simulating oral sex. I’ve made a gif of it so that she’s doing it over and over and over and over… This might not seem like a big deal, but things will never be the same in the once innocent world of Kpop. Remember, I made the big fuss about Baby Vox doing the sticking-out-my-ass dance a couple of years ago, and look where we are today.

As for the song… well… I’ll just say that I don’t watch Kpop videos for the music. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the song is ass (okay maybe it is), but I would like to warn you that repeatedly listening to 10 Minutes is like exposing your ears to cancerous agents.

By the way, I have a little trick for you guys that like the videos for the visuals, but hate the music. Open up an instance of WMP with the video, and mute the sound. Then open up another instance of WMP, or use another program, and load up your favorite mp3. I’ve been doing this for a while now, and it works wonders. Besides, nothing is hotter than having Hyori dancing all sexy like to Back Dat Ass Up.

I’ve read somewhere that Hyori said the title 10 Minutes refers to the fact if a bond isn’t established within 10 minutes then there isn’t going to be any interest. I would have thought it meant that 10 minutes is the amount of time it would take Hyori to laugh in your face and move to the next guy, but that’s purely from my personal experience with women. : (

Overall, I like it. It’s not the best video in the world, but Hyori is just so pretty it cancels that out. Also the song isn’t too good, but meh, who cares. I hear that there’s a high quality version on some website for downloading. If you can find it, get it.

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