[Chicken Stinger] later showed up in Golden Axe as one of the Bizarrians that you can steal from the enemies in [Golden Axe] (it’s now called a Chicken-Leg).

Golden Axe was one of those games that no one remembers, but always brings back fond memories whenever it is brought up. I was going to do a review of Golden Axe today, but I have come to accept the fact that I am a horrible writer and my reviews suck.

So instead, I thought I’d give it a play through in the format of SA’s Let’s Play! Threads. I mean, it’s not like anyone is going to read this post anyway, and I really liked the “semi-live” writing thing I’ve been doing with music videos. On to the game…

Hmmm… decisions decisions… I think I’m going to pick my main man, Axe Battler. As you may or may not know, I have a soft spot in my heart for burly men with broad swords. Plus he’s probably the most well rounded of the characters. The two other characters are Gilius Thunderhead and Tyris Flare. All 3 are seeking revenge against the evil Death Adder. Sega should have really given the guy a better name, because he sounds like a rogue accountant or something.

After watching a guy on crutches get killed, our hero Ax sets out on a revenge mission from hell. One thing I really liked about Golden Axe that didn’t happen in other games was when the enemies died, they just kind of turned doo doo brown instead of blinking a few times and fading from the screen. It’s touches like this that make Golden Axe so great.

The mounts in Golden Axe are great too. Take this parrot-looking thing with the tail. What exactly is that fucking thing? I’ve always wondered that, and even wikipedia doesn’t know.

Wait, let me take that back. It was listed in the “trivia” section of the Golden Axe entry:

The Chicken Stinger is a creature you fight in the second stage of Altered Beast. This creature later showed up in Golden Axe as one of the Bizarrians that you can steal from the enemies in the game (it’s now called a Chicken-Leg). The Chicken-Leg also showed up later in the arcade game Golden Axe: The Revenge Of Death Adder. Golden Axe II included a related beast which has a forked tail, a horn on its head but the same body-shape, and acted very much like the original. Shenmue also included Chicken-Leg as a collectible toy.

Also really interesting is that a lot of the sound effects were taken from the Conan the Barbarian movie, one of the greatest films of all time.

Uh oh. Hammertime. The bosses of stage one are two hammer brothers. Also, according to the above screenshot, I am trying to save Turtle Village. WTF?!

I am really glad that I have infinite credits because I really suck at video games and I would have to spend about 30 bucks in the arcade to beat this game.

It’s the gay little elf/gnome thing. I wonder why they just don’t give you the little magic potions instead of making you chase them all over the screen and attacking them. I can usually only hit them a couple of times before they run off screen.

Stage two and I’m encountered by a lady riding a fire breathing dragon. You best believe I’m going to be riding that shit son as soon as I dispatch the amazon.

By the way, those amazon women are hard. I swear I must have hit one of them about 10 times before she bit the dust and turned doo doo brown.

You know, Golden Axe was really ahead of its time. Everything is brown like current gen Playstation 3 games. I’m serious. Aside from Ax Battler’s boots and loincloth, everything is mud-colored.

Hey it’s Spinal! You know, from Killer Instinct. skeleton with the sword and shield. come on, it looks just like him… but then I guess, all skeletons kind of look alike since… uh… they’re just skeletons.

So I guess that’s why they call it Turtle Village. Not the best place to live in the world if you ask me. I mean, what if they turtle goes underwater? Also, just how big is this turtle? Are we talking Gamera-size? Or is he more along the lines of Morla from the Neverending Story?

Wow, it seems that I’m on stage 5 already. I was going to keep track of all of the bosses, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to have a chance to without going back and giving Golden Axe another play through… which isn’t going to happen because I need to finish this post today. My editor’s got me on a tight leash.

You know, the best thing about these old side scrolling arcade games was the fact that you and a friend were able to play them together. It’s a shame that I don’t have any friends IRL (that’s “in real life” for all you n00bs) that will play this with me. :-(

I’m guessing the knight is the boss of stage 5. He’s pretty tough and I had to mash my buttons twice as fast to beat him.

Okay I had to switch to the dwarf. How could you “not” love Gilius? He even wields the game’s namesake. True, his magic is the weakest out of the 3 selectable characters, but magic kind of sucks in this game anyway.

Also, judging the by the giant feathers, I think I am riding on the back of a gian bird. Maybe. I mean, I rode a turtle earlier… so this isn’t that big a stretch. The only real qualm I have about this is that I don’t remember any of this. Maybe I could never make it past stage 1 or the Genesis version was different (which I highly doubt), but it feels like this is the first time I’m playing this game.

I just wanted to take a screen shot of this because it looked cool. Also, I’m at the last stage and just a few axe strokes away from sweet sweet revenge.

Here’s Death Adder. Well the guy at the top of the screen is. He’s really cheap, but if you have infinite continues, like I do, then he shouldn’t be a real problem. He ends up killing himself with his axe.

My name is Gilius Thunderhead and you killed my brother.

I wonder just how much Golden Axe was inspired by the Conan the Barbarian movie. I mean, like Thulsa Doom, Death Adder is a snake/bunch of snakes. I bet the guy who made Golden Axe watched the hell out of that movie.

I just discovered the secret to Golden Axe is to run away and make things follow you and then hit jump and attack at the same time. Trust me on this one. It’s just sad that I didn’t figure this out earlier.

Verdict: Golden Axe still holds up fairly well by today’s standards. Good games will always be good and I had fun going though it. If I had one complaint, it would be that Golden Axe feels really sluggish, but most games from that era did. This game was also released on Virtual Console recently, so if you’ve got a Wii, I recommend picking this one up.

Score: 8.0

Related Posts:

→ I Hate Rastan Saga
→ Legendary Axe
→ Knytt
→ Hotel Dusk: Room 215
→ Who Stole Zergling's Shoes?