Dear Konton popHO visitors,

It’s Haywood once again, writing to you from the open road. I am still pursuing my dream of being a pop star and things couldn’t be better. I’ve been meeting with some mid-level record execs lately and they say that I could not potentially not do good, but not really. Since I’m easily confused by double (and triple) negatives, I take this as a great sign.

Dear Konton visitors,

It’s Haywood once again, writing to you from the open road. I am still pursuing my dream of being a pop star and things couldn’t be better. I’ve been meeting with some mid-level record execs lately and they say that I could not potentially not do good, but not really. Since I’m easily confused by double (and triple) negatives, I take this as a great sign.

I’ve had some downtime lately as my agent is trying to book more performances for me. I’ve been working on my rhyming skizills so that I can hopefully expand my repertoire. I also have been practicing my dancing skills so I hired Wade Robinson to give me advice. I want to be a do-it-all type of guy, like Elton John or Prince.

But anyway, the reason I decided to write you guys today is to tell you about this snack I found:

Crab Chips Flavored!!!

Unlike Yan Yan, it really isn’t that fun, and unlike Duplo, it really isn’t that crazy. But let me tell you, Crab Chips Flavored is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before…

I guess I should start off with what CCF is made out of. So here are the ingredients: Wheat Flour, Corn Starch, Palm Oil, Crab Powder, Rice Bran Oil, Sugar, Salt, Monosodium Glutamate. Nothing out of the ordinary I suppose. It has MSG, so it is alright with me. CCF is also made in Korea. Here’s the contact info for the company:

Korea Yakult Co., Ltd.

28-10, Chamwon-Dong,

Seocho-gu, Seoul, 137-030 Korea

www.paldofood.com

From what I can see on their site, the makers seems to be a huge food company that makes everything from ramen noodles to ramen noodles. I also like the name because it kind of sounds like engrish.

Of course, one of the reasons why I noticed this snack immediately was because it was crab flavored. Imagine that! Mother fucking crab flavored chips. Now I have had shrimp flavored chips since I was a wee lad, so snacks with seafood taste is nothing new to me. But the fact that somebody decided to combine crabs and crackers makes me all tingly inside… in a bad way.

Enough chit chat. Let’s move on to the snack itself…

Opening up the package I noticed an intense odor. Hell, it makes my hair stand up on end. Okay I lie. I normally have nerd hair so it’s always standing up anyway. But yeah, if my hair was normal, it would be standing up on end. You ever went to the beach and swam out to the breakers where all the seagulls hang out and shit? Well, that’s what CCF smells like. It smells like crabs… but not the seafood kind… if you catch my drift.

The chips themselves are another form of disappointment. On the package, the chips appear to be in this cool waffle-like shape. It would have been ten times as awesome if the chips themselves were in little crab shapes, but I am down with the waffle shape. But no!!! The chips are more like oversized cinnamon toast crunches with orange powder on them.

Paldo Foods, you fucking bastards! You first offend me with your foul smelling snack that looks nothing like what is on the package. I hate you. Don’t think that I am ever going to forgive you for this.

Hey do you guys like seafood?

Get it? “See food”!!! Ha ha ha ha. Oh man, this is why yesasia pays me the big bucks. Not to be conceited or anything, but talent like this doesn’t grow on trees. What makes it even more funny is the fact that I am doing this with a seafood flavored snack.

The party never stops on Planet Haywood my friends… the party never stops.

By the way, I can’t believe I put this shit in my mouth. It has a horrible aftertaste that can only be described as ass. Believe me, I tasted ass before, and it is not good at all. But yeah, the aftertaste stays with you for a while. I’ve tried drinking some Coke and some water to make it go away, but it hasn’t. At this rate, my children are going to be born with the nasty taste of CCF in their mouths.

Hmmm… wait. I think there’s something in the bag.

I wonder what it could be…

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Haywood: Kang Ta!!! What are you doing in my bag of Crab Chips Flavored?

Kang Ta: Don’t you know? I am what gives this snack its crab flavor.

Haywood: Dude man, that’s fucking disgusting.

Kang Ta: Millions of little girls don’t think so. Excuse me, I got run. But before I do:

Crab Chips flavored is like candy,

buy it and eat it I command thee,

CCF is the future,

JTL are a bunch of fags and nothing without me.

Wow, that was completely unexpected. Despite Kang Ta’s celebrity endorsement, I’ve got to give CCF a big YUCK. It stinks, it doesn’t taste good, and it just isn’t worth eating. Maybe it would have been better if the makers called it Crap Chips Flavored. I recommend everybody skip this one.

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