I’ve posted this article three times already on every website I’ve ever made and it still manages to attract a lot of idiots…

ChucKie AkeNz & V - Unit - You Got Beef Asian Rap sure has come a long way since “Got Rice.”

For those of you that do not know, I am Vietnamese. I grew up where there were not a lot of other Vietnamese people, or Asians for that matter, but I have always been proud of my heritage and what-not. Of course, this always made for odd situation when I finally did start hanging out with other Asian people since I was always the banana or the twinkie (isn’t that also a gay reference?), “yellow on the outside, white on the inside.” I used to argue really vehemently whenever somebody called me such names, but I realize that it’s pretty much pointless. Why am I telling you guys all of this? I don’t know, I just thought it be kind of interesting and would serve as good filler before I start the review.

I first came upon this video about a year ago. Someone posted it in the forums (sorry I can’t remember who), and I was absolutely floored. The unintentional comedy in this video was through the room, but let me focus in on the other things that were going on in my mind. Not since Got Rice has the Asian American internet community buzzed over a rap song. Serious. Every single aZn’s xanga, AsianAvenue, and crappy geocities website had a link to this video. Within a few weeks the V-Unit had taken over the internet and it didn’t seem like anything could slow them down.

So what made this video so special? Well, that’s what I’ll attempt to reveal today in my review…

Things start off simple enough. There’s this little chubby boy playing basketball by himself when two “brothas” come and start harassing him. No offense, but if I saw somebody wearing a shirt that ugly, I would probably want to punch them too. That’s why I don’t think the black guys were really racists or mean… they were like the Fashion Police or something and were doing us a favor by removing an eyesore.

Well the little chubby boy decides to call up Chuckie Akenz, Asian ganster extraordinaire. Chuckie just happend to be chillin’ in the back seat of his friend’s Honda Accord with two ugly girls and is enraged to find out that the black guys were messing with his little brother. Chuckie decides to rally up some of his boys to take action.

Before I go any further in this review, a little digression. I mean, there’s only so much “plot” that can be fit into 4 minutes of a music video, and if didn’t start talking about random things all of my articles would be like 5 paragraphs.

First off, what the fuck is up with the name. I have to assume that no Vietnamese mother in her right mind would name her son Chuckie Akens, so I am assuming that he picked this nomer himself. But seriously, why the fuck did he choose this?! I mean, I’m positive that not even Chuckie Atkins wants to be Chuckie Atkins… so why would a wannabe gangster from Canada decide to use this as his stage name?

Second, like a mentioned before, these people are from Canada!!! Granted, from what shuimei told me in the forums, it seems like this Jane Finch area is very ghetto and filled with all sorts of ruffians and scalawags, but for the love of God they’re in Canada! This frustrates me to no bounds… almost as much as those Juggalos who think that they’re tough gangsters because they drink Faygo and wear makeup and listen to really really bad rap.

Next up is this guy. Am I the only one that sees it, or does he bear a strong resemblance to Majin Buu? But yeah, his facial expression never changes throught the entire video and his eyes are always downcast like his mind is thinking of something. Maybe of his true love. Maybe of pie. I don’t know. Plus I got to mention that he seems like he has problems breathing even walking down the street and I do not think that it is a very good idea to take this guy to a brawl. He’d be more of a liability than anything.

There are A LOT of ugly people in this video, but this guy stands out. He seems like the greasy little Asian guy who plays CounterStrike all day type. Serious. I’ve met a lot of Asian guys who are obsessed like CounterStrike, AND THEY ALL FUCKING LOOK LIKE THIS GUY. Apologies in advance to anybody out there that does play CS, but you know I’m telling the truth. Don’t even get me started on those StarCraft guys…

Also, it appears one of Chuckie Akenz’s hoes is cheating on him… right behind his fucking back. Seriously Chuckie, what kind of ganster are you if you let some other foo be perpatratin’ on your trick. You best handle yo biz nigga. Unless you know, she’s the community skank who likes to hook up with everybody in the click. Then that’s cool.

I’d also like to mention this Civic is missing a hubcap. I would make a bigger point out of this… but it’s just plain… sad.

Also, what’s up with the name “V-Unit”?! Obviously it’s based on 50 Cen’s G-Unit. This video and Chuckie Akenz makes me very very sad, as no doubt Mrs. Akenz is. Think about it. Mrs. Akenz probably excaped from communist Vietnam hoping to give her and her family a better life… only to have her son turn out like this.

Okay well Chuckie rounds up him possee and they all roll up in quite possibly the most pathetic looking gang caravan that I have ever seen. I’ve already mentioned the Civic with the missing hubcap, but serious, not trying to be an elitist or anything, I’d honestly laugh if these guys rolled up like this. You might look all rough and shit wearing all black with your bandannas, but if you roll up in a Dodge Neon I’m just not going to be able to take you seriously.

Well the V-Unit corners the black guys and take care of business. Some of them use machetes, others their fists, but one guy pulls out a semi-automatic weapon. It wouldn’t surprised me if it was that CounterStrike guy. Isn’t this kind of an overkill though? There’s already 30 guys, some weilding sharp objects. I don’t see how a military grade weapon is going to help more than hinder you in such close quarters.

This video is destined to become an internet classic… if it isn’t already. I have to admit, Chuckie does have some “mad skillz” and he could go a long way in the music industry. It’s good to see Asians succeeding in areas besides engineering, playing classical instruments, or math. I also wanted to wanted to throw a Jin the MC reference somewhere in this article, but I just couldn’t do it. I must be getting old since I once worked a reference to feminine hygeine products in an article about Color Me Badd… but yeah. Overall, a nice video to watch with lots and lots of unintenional comedy.

Grade: B-

Lyrics:

Chrous:

U want beef? We right here/

we’ll never stop we dont care/

there wont be, no more peace/ x2

its all about vietnamese/

dit me maii wat da fuck u niggas wanna beef/

ima fuckin vietnamese n ill knock ur fukin teeth/

wat u kats kno about swingin swords to someones head?/

n u better make sure that mutha fuckas dead/

cuz if hes not min he betta watch his fuckin self/

fuck wit vietnamese considered bad for ur health/

we were born to fuckin fight, n we’ll leave u in a mess/

the minute u talk u get machetes to ur chest/

from da east to da west, we known as fuckin killers/

drug dealas, we da gooks dat stay reala/

gong beya min dun, ti min dun chaw mi chut/

hum dun ti min bung, mi sa yung yeek mi hut/

its vietpac wut?! wat the fuck u gonna do?/

every vietnamese roll with a hundred in dere crew/

in every different skoo, or a place with jitz n pool/

dont fuck with the gooks thats the number 1 rule/

Chrous:

U want beef? We right here/

we’ll never stop we dont care/

there wont be, no more peace/ x2

its all about vietnamese/

im that mutha fuckin gook on da block dat holds it down/

other people sellin o’s while dis gook is sellin pounds/

ill drop u to da ground, like ducks from nintendo/

cut a slantie up break his head wit an extendo/

sit back wit some endo, mau tau la yeek/

n if u aint viet den son u aint shiet/

wanna beef wit my clique, we can war till mourn/

n we wont stop fiting till ur chests are torn/

till ur face is scorn, till ur blood squirts out/

till the moment we break ur mutha fuckin mouth/

either north or south it really dont matter/

every vietnamese gook gon show u whos badder/

who fites wit more anger, who dies wit more pride/

who fights forever till none of u alive/

ima viet for life, ima Clip for life/

21 clips mutha fucka Jane N Finch aighhtt/

Chrous:

U want beef? We right here/

we’ll never stop we dont care/

there wont be, no more peace/ x2

its all about vietnamese/