At one point in time, Britney Spears was considered the hottest woman in the world. It’s amazing what a few years, a redneck wedding and 2 kids can do to your career.

At one point in time, Britney Spears was considered the hottest woman in the world. It’s amazing what a few years, a redneck wedding and 2 kids can do to your career. Way back in the day, if you visited any one of my various sites, you’d find that nearly 25% of all of my posts/articles/contents related to Britney. The other 75% concerned shitty boybands from Korea and cunt punching. Serious. Use the wayback machine if you don’t believe me.

I knew that Britney was performing at the VMAs this year. It was going to be the first part of her “comeback,” and from what I heard it was an absolute disaster. It is kind of disappointing considering the fact that her past appearances on MTV award shows have been groundbreaking. Or something like that. I mean, there was that one year where she danced with that yellow snake and the other time where she swapped spit with Madonna. Not going to cure world hunger or anything, but definitely took me to boner town.

At any rate, I was going to wait for a video to do a full review, but I thought it’d be fun to do a semi-live review of her MTV VMA performance. Here goes nothing:

00:11 - Wow, Britney does not look good, even by celebrity skank standards. And it’s fairly obvious that she’s lip synching.

00:20 - It’s Britney… bitch.

00:27 - Is it just me, or does this song sound like the aborted love child of Timbaland and the Neptunes? Anyone?

00:33 - Wow. Just wow. The years haven’t been kind to Britney. She looks like she should be a WWE Diva rather than be a pop star… and even that’s a stretch. Not saying that she’s horrid looking, but she doesn’t look like a singer. Everyone knows that you can’t be a pop star if you don’t look the part.

00:35 - Britney laugh cackles.

00:49 - All of her dancing skills have disappeared as well. It looks like she’s moving in mud. Or dancing like an over-the-hill stripper who only works to support her meth habit.

01:22 - I really don’t know what to say at this point other than I really like the background dancers and the shadows. Britney can’t even lip synch decently. Aside from looks, that’s the second most important thing for a… uh… singer.

01:34 - Okay she just grabbed some dude’s crotch and he didn’t even seemed like he enjoyed it. Seriously Britney what gives?! Back in 2001 you could set mens pants on fire just be biting your lip…

01:42 - Diddy is not impressed. At least I think that’s Diddy. Damn you youtube and your shitty video quality!

02:27 - This song is just horrible as well. “Oops I Did It Again” and “Hit Me Baby One More Time” seem like classical masterpieces compared to this. Also, didn’t the Misfits already make a sound called “Gimme Gimme?” The only thing that Britney wants you to gimme gimme these days is a jelly filled donut. Or meth. Seems like she’d be really into meth.

02:34 - This is just really hard to watch. I am starting to feel really embarrassed for her. Forget the whole getting married for a day in Vegas, going to public bathrooms barefoot, child abuse, etc. This is the new low point of Britney’s career.

02:57 - 50 Cent does not want to be here. He just looks really confused… like the rest of us are. I am really surprised that he even bothered to show up considering that he is now one of the wealthiest rappers in the world because of Vitamin Water.

03:11 - Rihanna and some other girl are laughing… mother fucking laughing at this shit. It might be because there’s a stripper at their table or Rihanna’s big fivehead, but I would like to think that they’re laughing Britney and her cankles.

03:30 - I just want more.

Holy shit that was horrible. I think the best part of me watching this thing was that I noticed a link to 50 Cent dissing Beyonce. If this all Britney has in store for her comeback, don’t even bother. She did not look good, the performance was horrible, and her ass was HUGE. Hopefully she’ll make a decent video for Gimme Gimme… but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Related Posts:

→ Lil Mama: Lip Gloss
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→ Britney Spears: From Hot to Not
→ Say No To Puff Daddy
→ ChucKie AkeNz & V - Unit: You Got Beef