For obvious reasons, I have never been able to get into Asian boybands. I mean, the main reason I even bother watching Asian pop videos at all is because of all the hot honeys. Occasionally there will be a group that I do enjoy, like HOT or the LA Boyz, but it’s usually because I like to make fun of them in order to feel better about myself. Don’t hate. You’d do the same thing if you were mildly socially retarded and had a pock-marked face.

I was browsing my favorite new website for Jpop and Kpop when I saw a picture of a guy in a pink jacket. I knew immediately that I had to watch the video to review/make fun of.

But yeah, the video is Big Bang’s How Gee. At this point I know nothing about it, but hopefully it isn’t too bad…

0:08 - Nothing interesting yet. Some guy with an afro walking around and another guy taking a nap in a barber shop? Or is it a pool hall?

0:12 - Hmm… that guy reminds me of Satan from DBZ. Or Jimmy the Photography from Aachi and Ssipak. Both colossal douchebags. Hopefully this guy isn’t one.

0:16 - Satan wakes up the guy who was asleep. Something big is about to happen… I can feel it in my bones…

0:20 - BA HA HA HA HA! “Hey, get yo ass up and do some work. Baby.”

0:28 - I wonder what you call ebonics that’s all engrished up.

Man, I must sound pretty racist to those of you that don’t know me. It’s okay though. I have a lot of Asian and Black friends.

0:52 - Oh yeah. Just a couple of homies chillin’ on the stoop. I always loved how hip hop videos from Asia try to emulate the “urban feel.” Case in point, there aren’t any stoops in Asia. Well, certainly not the prominent kind like the one pictured above.

And if there was one in front of a building, you can be rest assured some guy would trying to sell you dried squid or bootleg Disney clothes.

0:57 - Looks like there’s going to be a dance battle. Another hip hop cliche.

By the way, I realized that this is a Korean rap group. I’ve talked about how much I hated K-rap several times, and then, it was only like 30 second segments in pop songs. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with an entire K-rap video…

1:03 - Wow. Just wow. He looks like an extra from Lazytown.

1:10 - Yes! More hip hop/rap video cliches. Hot bitches and fast cars. That Masarati does look pretty awesome…

1:29 - You know, this song isn’t half bad. I like the old school beat they’ve got going and these guys sound like they’re actually trying to rhyme. In the past, Asian rappers usually tried to make up for their lack of skillz by just talking really fast… but these guys… uh… flow.

1:46 - Obligatory hoochi momma shot.

By the way, the title for this song/video is How Gee. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be in Korean in English. Or maybe it’s both.

If it is in English, some interesting questions are raised. Like how would you pronounce the title. Is it like “How Gee?” a question? Or maybe “How? Gee.” Like at first you’re puzzled, then you’re bewildered.

2:38 - Some great shaking at this point in the video by some Asian broad. No really. She wasn’t even dancing. Just shaking her body. Like she was have a seizure.

2:58 - Alright. Everything was going fine, and then dude had to come and make the video gay. He sounds like one of those fem R&B boys. Seriously, he’s the gayest thing about this video, and that’s saying a lot considering there was a guy with a pink shirt dressed up like Cyndi Lauper earlier in the video.

3:00 - I wonder if Big Bang could take B2K in a fight. Or an orgy. (B2K would win orgy hands down since they’ve had so much practiced.)

3:13 - Rap video cliche #2334: Hennesey. At this point, all that’s left is for Timbaland or R. Kelly to make an appearance. Or maybe Nate Dogg, with his ultra low and smooth voice.

I also like the airline pilot/Popeye look this guy is going for.

3:21 - Just raise the roof now.

It’s pretty funny how out of date some of the phrases Big Bang are using. I mean, raise the roof?! That’s so fucking 90s.

3:24 - Afro guy from the beginning is playing a trumpet. I think this is supposed to be funny…

Verdict: Surprsingly, I enjoyed this video a lot more than a thought I would. I must confess, my original intent on reviewing this video was to make fun of these guys, but not bad. Not bad at all.

Score: 7.5

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→ Wonder Girls: Tell Me
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→ Jang Nara: Four Seasons
→ H.O.T.: Candy
→ Jang Nara: Kung Fu
→ Reasons Why I Love Taylor Townsend
→ Ron Artest: Fever