Avril should keep the red wig. It’s a good look for her.

Avril Lavigne. I believe my feelings about Ms. Lavigne can be summed up in three words: “Canadian butthole pleasures.” Other than that I don’t know much about her except for that, for a period of time, if you wore a tie you would automatically be compared to Avril (I always liked to wear ties and I hated the whole sk8ter boi era) and that she married the dude from SUM41. Oh and she brought “punk” to millions of tweens and mall skanks everywhere.

I won’t be dwelling too much on Avril’s background today. N8 suggested that I review this video in the Lip Gloss post and after watching it, I thought I could give it a semi-decent writeup.

The setup is as old as time itself and has been done many times over. Avril plays the part of the nerdy-yet-strangely-attractive current girlfriend and also the part of the edgy-omg punx trying to win the affection a scenester douchebag. It reminds me of that Mariah Carey video with that one dude from Sliders. You know the one I’m talking about. “Gone in there and git yo man.”

By the way, doing a review of this video made me feel old. Supposedly this is a pretty popular song right now, but I never heard of it until N8 suggested I give it a review. I think it’s because if I’m ever listening to the radio it’s usually NPR. Also, I would much prefer a quiet evening at home with nerdy Avril reading a book than attending a show with punx Avril with a bunch of dirty kids. Before long, I’ll be telling kids to get off my lawn and going to buffets early to get senior discounts.

The video takes place at one of those mini-golf course deals. Nerdy Avril and her scenester douchebag (who looks way too old to be one) are just hanging out while Punx Avril tries to ruin their fun and hopefully win the affections of said scenester. What a cunt. She does everything from running Nerdy Avril off the bumper car course to hitting her in the head with a golf ball.

Scenester douchebag is obviously some kind of pussy because he doesn’t stand up for his girlfriend at all. I don’t know why PUNK Avril is trying so hard to get his attention because he seems to be a shitty boyfriend.

Punk Avril’s efforts finally pay off though when she causes Nerd Avril to become enraged and fly into a Port-a-Pottie. Don’t worry Nerd Avril, if you’re still looking for love, I am here to heal your wounds. I will make it all better. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You like that? Oh it feels so good. Yes. Yes. Put it in your mouth. Oh. Oh. Oh. You’re a bad little girl aren’t you? A naughty little librarian. Okay now let me get it from the back. Yeah, you like that don’t you. Go ahead and work it. Tell me that you like it. Tell me that you like it from the back. Yeah I bet you do. You just have all this tension and I am the one to get it out. Oh… ah… ee…

…

Well PUnK Avril finally wins out and her and scenester douchebag consummate their relationship with the one true act of teenage love: oral sex in a bathroom stall.

I was pleasantly surprised that this video wasn’t horrible and that it was somewhat entertaining. The song itself sounds like a Tony Basil abortion, but I can forgive that since I watched the thing on mute.

Score: 7.0

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